Fare Well 2010

2010 CONFESSIONS

In 2001, while serving a 7 year sentence in Bay Correctional Institution; I remember my Tier Councilor Ms. White Lady, telling me that I’d be dead before the age of 25. At the time I was only 22; which would give me only 2 years to live. Now, I'd have to admit that I was quite stunned upon hearing basically what I perceived to be a death threat. Especially, after receiving 7yrs. from crappin out in the J-Ville dope game. I never imagined hearing this kind of promise in prison! Not from middle age White Lady... Truth be told; since my father was poisoned to death, while pending menial charges in the federal holding facility in my birth place- Miami Florida: While my younger brother and I waited down stairs to visit him... I can't say that the thought never crossed my mind. Death in Prison!!! "Wouldn't that be considered dying twice?” I remember thinking... How is that possible? The 1st. Death was Mental. Since I was regarded as a dead man to my peers; who mostly consisted of phony friends, and groupies, befriended from the wicked Lifestyle brought upon by the Street Game. The 2nd: Would have been physical, of course. Only GOD knows how I resurrected after suffering the first. Because Lord Knows I must’ve did everything in my power to make good on her promise: Everything from cursing, threatening, and fighting, both inmates and Officers. Even had a few officers tell me that I wasn’t going to make it out of prison alive… How could I ignore that; when I have known them to make good on their promise? I must have spent At least 3 out of those 7 years in solitary confinement. So, that would include most Holiday's like Thanksgiving, B-Day's, X-Mas, and New years! During the course a time, I would eventually realize that my only gifts would ultimately be GODS GREATEST! LIFE, Health, VISION!

LIFE- Not only did he wake me each morning; during times I wanted to die...He allowed me the oxygen to breath.
HEALTH- Since prison is an open test ground for Govt. to experiment on inmates; I managed to make it out in good health.
VISION- During a reality so violent… In an environment meant to break the down the human spirit; I used it to build mine up stronger than ever! I used it to dream, and create an outlet to express myself. Out of that VISION UnderDaScope Entertainment was borne.





Say what you say… But know that I started my company 2 months out of prison with money from an event as a result of UDS. Being an Ex. Offender released at the start of a recession, without a desire to work for, & build up someone else’s vision; I have maintained & built my company from the dirt for the 2 years I’ve been free. All this in despite of the territorial cliques, jealousy, and constant HATE, I receive from you individuals that don’t know my struggle; and therefore can’t SEE my Purpose; Let alone my VISION!
So while I may not possess the SUCCESS that most are accustomed to identifying the word with; based on the Whiteman’s term: By the way- Somebody tell That White Lady, that I did manage to live beyond 25. And not only do I have my physical freedom in 2010; but MAINTAINED a GREATER SPIRITUAL FREEDOM AS WELL…
2010 Accomplishments:

• I became the 1st African American to host any event out of the very European Alhambra Theater. TRIMMED IN CHANNEL 4 NEWS/ AND TIMES UNION COVERAGE.

• I AM MY OWN BOSS, AND GET PAID DOING WHAT I LOVE!!!

• MANAGED TO POST THE WORD FOR THE DAY (W4D) TO FB 95% OF THE YEAR
• BY THE GRACE OF GOD; I HAVE RESISTED SATANS COUNTLESS TRAPS TO LURE ME BACK TO THE STREET LIFE!!!
• STILL STRIVING FOR THAT GREATER PRIZE OF ETERNAL LIFE!


Extremely Thankful for the lil things most take for granted.

2011 HERE I COME!!!! GOD’S WILL….

*Message to the backbiters, haters, dirt slingers, envious, and jealous ones: Who am I but a man???? In the end….“They Hated on Jesus Christ” !!!

The Awakening Experience J.E.#14

Journal Entry #14 6-7-07

I write this journal with complete focus and extreme sincerity; during a point in my life that allows me to think and to analyze which inevitably gives me the insight I need to 1st acknowledge & ultimately learn. So, I guess you can say that reacting to these 30 years of existence on this so called free world society has issued me to learn. In addition, I’d like to make aware of the fact that it was in prison where I learned most of the things I know now. It was prison that allowed me the solitude to observe and analyze the game of life. If prison was indeed intended to rehabilitate or correct those who have rebelled against the system; it has backfired! Because prison had allowed me an opportunity to teach myself how to work within the system, to successfully overcome it. From this day forward, I am relinquishing myself from whatever slave mentality that was left on my persons. I am stating my opinions which may affect the masses in a positive aspect; motivating them to embrace and overcome the struggle: Do this with the confidence of a Roshchilds descendent. So to the judicial system, and the powers that be; who designed this world structure for me to be docile- your prison has made me worse!!!! I deviate from being docile!

Patience is a Virtue J.E # 13

Patience is a Virtue
Journal Entry #13 6-6-07

Habari! All praises to the almighty Jah-Jah; to when I give all the glory in the Universe. It is because of him that I am alive and healthy this very day; and able to write you these sacred words of wisdom. Today’s journal entry is about Patience. As the well known sayin goes; “Patience is a virtue”… Also, a scripture in the book of Proverbs; located in the Holy Bible. I reiterate; Patience is a Virtue!!! So, if a woman waits patiently on her king; is she considered a Virtuous Woman? If a man waits patiently, and not only wait; But in the process of waiting: He knows that things will be much greater, and therefore, worth the wait. If this is the true, is that man considered Virtuous? If so, virtuous, I am not! Although, today and other days I do show flashes of patience- I’m not ready to except the title as being a Vitreous Man … Maybe one day I will? With that said; as of now all I will do is hope, and look forward to the day. My reason for bringing this topic up is because today I endure so much that my patience was really being tested: However, I had no control over the situation, just how I would react to it. I sat back and quietly suffered within myself. This morning I was awaken by the C/O at around 4:30am, telling me to pack it up- I’m transferring. From like 5am to 8:30am; we sat on a concrete bench until the Blue bird arrived. (By the way, Blue Bird is a prison bus) After it arrived we was told to strip down and lift our nut sacks, and penis’, then had to bend over and cough. Now mind you, this was in front of like 60 plus other inmates and 4 C/O’s. The degrading continues… Once we were humiliated, we had to assume the position so that our leg irons could be put on; now, this position requires us to place our knees on the concrete bench, so that the officer could place the shackle around our ankles. I don’t know if you have ever sat with your knees on the concrete before; but its torture! Especially if you have bad knees! Following that procedure, we loaded up on the hot and very uncomfortable bus headed to our destination. To make a long story short- I spent about 7 hrs on that bus. With no bathroom, knees hittin the seat in front of me, sweating like a Hebrew slave from the heat; til we finally made it to our destination- Washington C.I.
To be continued…

-Banditti the don

The Guilty One J.E #11

The Guilty One
Journal entry #11 6-4-07

Hakuna Imani! I start this notation with a bit of frustration, because of a vision I had last night, of early this morning. The vision could be interpreted many different ways; However, I always tend to lean towards the negative aspect of them- since I’m somewhat of a realest. So let’s call this journal the “Guilty One!” shall we? Ok, let me get str8 to the point. My dream was about me being sent away to possibly a prison of some sort; to find that my girlfriend was cheating while I was incarcerated. In this, although I didn’t get a clear view of who my girlfriend was- I will have to say she’s my current- Sasha. For some reason or another I got an early release, and she didn’t know it. I went to the house while she was perhaps at work and for some reason noticed these satin panties with a heart shape on them; it must have been Valentine’s Day or something. Anyhow, I pick the panties up and it was a white substance on them, what I perceived to be cum. Now, I instantly go in investigative mood. I called at the last minute to make her aware or the fact that I was out on furlough, and to come pick me up from a specific location: then I had some type of surveillance on the house. And although I never saw anyone (male) that is: I questioned her faithfulness. Now, this dream had a lot more detail. For one there was a point to where I was tempted to get back at her by knockin off some chic, but declined due to the fact that I was on a mission; and there were some other factors letting us know that it wasn’t meant. But, to say that I couldn’t sleep would be an understatement; I literally had pains in my stomach, (anxiety) so bad that I couldn’t sleep. I don’t know why I felt that why. It felt as if she was having sex with someone right at that moment. It was like someone was violating my territory. But, that’s not what hurt me the most. What really fucked me up was once I finally go to the house to see the girls; it felt as if they’d seen a ghost. They had this guilty look on their face, not for their sake; but they’re mothers. The vibe that I got from them was so strong, until I didn’t even try to ask any questions, because at that present moment I couldn’t stand to hear the truth. After I couldn’t go back to sleep and the ache in my heart wouldn’t stop; I just sat u thinking that somehow I somehow I deserved to be treated that way. It was like I was being paid back for the woman whose heart I hurt. All at once my emotions started playing on my mind, til I felt so weak. Weak for love, a sucker for love; because after chasing me for so long, cupid had finally struck me with his; and I felt as though I was really in love and could let my guard down- Finally, I can submit my heart to the female species. But, low & behold; the joke was on me. So, not as I sit here writing this testimony, having conflicting feelings, I ask myself; will I ever trust a woman with my heart?
Is it even worth me living that deep, til I subdue myself totally to love & devotion; only to be devastated, having my heart suffers in Heart Break Hell- if there is such a thing. Right not at this present time; I wonder if I’d ever enjoy the happiness and the joys, the wholeness, the unification that comes with being in love? And for a long time in my 30 yrs. Of existence in this place we call Earth; I am honestly frightened for my future… Afraid of being let down by my arch enemy- LOVE…
And until I win that battle- “Hakuna Imani” There will never be peace- at least within me…
If I ever got had the chance to love again/ While I waste risk such a feeling/ that made feel at peace within? / And girl, if I place my heart in your pretty hands.

-Banditti the don

The Awakening Experience

Journal Entry #10 6-1-07

Habari,
It’s so very easy to get subdued by your current surroundings, if you’re not focus on the mission at hand.
However, there must be a force behind that focus. While we all have our own motivations that fuel this force; at this present time mine is uprooted from disappointment. Why? We’ll during my attempt to get my DC card scanned, so that I can order from the canteen; I ran into all kinds of dead ends! The 1st try ended up not working, so I had to wait another day. I really wasn’t’ tripping off that though; Because, I’ve been waiting for almost a week to order, anyway. I wasn’t alone. Those of us whose cards didn’t scan the 1st attempt had to go to the administration building at 8 am the next morning, to try again. The whole time I’m thinking “What the hell are you doing here, again”? This is where I get down on myself for ended up back into the belly. Now, I’m hoping that it doesn’t scan- just to punish myself! Now, don’t get me wrong; I do need hygiene products, but I can suffer a few more days; as a reminder of not to come back… This whole fiasco stems from the fact that I feel as though I’m moving backwards. Just the thought of me ordering the same items in the same facility; makes me more & more disappointed in myself. No matter how it happened, I know it was because my lack of patience that caused this fate. Whether my intentions were good is besides the fact. A Lord knows that I am to smart, knowledge and wise in all area of life to me moving backwards. There’s obviously something missing; something that I lack within myself that’s stunting my growth. Since I acknowledge this fact, I swear not to leave this place lacking the ingredients that will ultimately help me reach my zenith.
-Banditti the don

The Awakening Experience

Journal Entry # 9 5-30-07
RMC- West Unit

I start this entry off with the saying: “Keep it real with others and they will keep it real with you”… Real recognize real as some may say. I say that everybody recognizes real! That’s a good thang too; especially in a place like prison, where you’re unable to earn a income unless you hustle, or have family support. Just a minute ago a jit ask me for a stamped envelope. He was willing to give me his breakfast tray. I don’t have what I need- Well, I want say that; because I do have everything I need to survive… I don’t have a stamp or envelope at the time since I fresh in and still awaiting my account to be turned on; but it’s a good thang I know a few convicts from my 1st bid that’ll do me a favor until then. In and outside off these prison gates; dudes will vouch that I am a stand up guy. I want use the word real, since dude use it out of context. So, I’ll say authenticity- if it’s even a word, lol! Too lazy to hunt down a dictionary; so I’ll just go with it. I got several offers form dudes in here to loan me what I needed until my account was turned on; but that’s the 1st sign of weakness- Desperation! I humbly declined because I’m patience enough to wait. If I would’ve display the same patience on the streets I wouldn’t be here. But if was a fifth, we’d all be drunk! Can’t dwell on past mistake, though; just have to learn from them?
I just go to the west unit today; which means I’ll sit here for about a month or so until my bus to my main camp comes through. I don’t have a clue where I’m going until I get there. I don’t have a clue where I’m goin; however, I can’t wait to get there. Time goes by a lot faster once you get settled at your permanent camp. The officers here are more strict,, the clothes are warn and ragged. Most importantly, I have to be at my permanent camp for 30 days until I’m illegible for work release. I finally received a letter from my lady last night. Well it was a card. Nonetheless, I was happy to hear from her and the girls. I guess she couldn’t write into words how much she misses me; and chose to let the card speak for her. She’s really a beautiful woman from the inside out. And if she listens, I’m gonna do my damnest to make her happy. Life is so unpredictable at times; because I honestly couldn’t foresee us being together. And honestly if it wasn’t for this case; I’m not sure if we would? All I did is adjusting to the situation. In life you have to go with what’s good for you at the time. After doing so; I concluded that at the present time- we are good for eachother. Sure, we have our issues with small things; with me it’s the weight, lol! I’m so damn picky- but, I like what I like! With her it’s my complaining about the small things like weight. Although, I don’t intend to settle; I will compromise on what’s best. And over all she passed the ultimate test… I mean not every woman is willing to stick with their dude during a prison bid. So with that alone; I’m truly thankful. Til pen meets paper again…

-Banditti the don

The Awakening Experience J.E #8

Journal Entry#8 5-29-07

“Soaking up the game that the OG’s sold to me”, Tupac Shakur: Hell Razor. I start this entry off with a verse from Tupac’s song Hell Razor for a very valid reason; that being the highlight of my day. Today, I spent a large portion conversing with a double OG name Larry Williams BKA Sapp. Mr. Williams as I called him is a well known ex-pimp, hustler, and gangster: All of the above. We met a couple days ago while waiting breakfast one morning; I was sitting the table talking about working out, staying healthy, or something of the sort; Diabetes that was it! He assumed I had the disease because most inmates at Butler are suffering from some type of illness. After all this is a medical camp. Anyhow, He told me a story about how dangerous it is to work out in the hot sun for long periods of time; while drinking an excessive amount of cold water afterwards. He explained how a friend of his died like that. So, later on that day we ended up eating lunch at the same table. Him, and some other guy from Jacksonville was talking about another O.G. I knew personally name Jedi. During their convo I stayed silent; not letting on that I knew who they were speaking of; I just sat and listened. For one you never know who knows who in the chain gang; so, it’s always wise to sit back and listen before talking openly about anyone. So, after chow when we got back to the dorm: I made him aware of the fact that I knew Jedi. We sat in on his bunk for about an hour; as I explained how I knew of Jedi. He then gave me a rundown on how he knew Jedi, along with the street version off Jedi’s rise in rank. See Jedi and I met while I was in Liberty C.I during my previous stint in prison. We maintained a close relationship for 6yrs; where we made a vow that we’d link up on the outs. Now in prison; the Jedi I knew was the money man. I really didn’t care about his status one way or another; but he had this aura about himself. The closer friends we became; the more of himself he exposed. Rumor was he was a big gambler, before he caught his 12yrs bid. Of course I’d put in the phone call to the streets, to follow up; to which he checked out. It was said that he rolled with a click of made guys that were real big in the local J-ville gambling circuit. Now, I am not at all naïve to believe all that I hear in the joint; sense dudes can be who they want to be in here, of course til someone from there hood comes in to exposed them, lol! Anyway, Sap gave me his version of this guy, which was more conclusive than the version Jedi gave me. Although he did gamble and hang with the hustlers, even had a lil money: He was far from the bonified husler he portrayed himself to be. Not in the same breath with Mr Williams/ Sap by no means. Sap and I sat a talked for almost two hours. We exposed a little about one another. I even told him about how I ended up compromising my G landing me my 1st 7yr bid- and for some shit that I didn’t do at that. We spoke about the state of mind of the youth coming up in the streets versus the old days. We even spoke about politics and strategy on surviving the game. It felt as if I was getting a lesson from Machiavelli or some modern day philosopher. I won’t say that I was intrigued, however the topic did hold my attention; which is hard to achieve- even in prison. It’s amazing how there is truly nothing new under the sun. Receiving such historical facts from Mr. Williams dating from the 70’s- 90’s; I wanted to know how could the game be manipulated or even maintained in this present day and age: Which I call the snitch era. And what methods would Mr. Williams go about doing so? One of the tactics we spoke about was the use of violence; taking down a list of the most heard about informants and displaying the killings so vicious that it would set an example for the rest. He compared it to how the Mafia of old handled informants. We spoke briefly on other tactics like maneuvering of working behind pawns. He stated; that if you are able to hand pick your clientele based on the quality of the product; You’d stand a better chance at surviving; Because when you can hand pick stand up guys out of working class citizens that have more to lose than the average street smoker, and build a relationship with them you are positioned to pen point a potential trader. However, there are draw backs from that as well; because most people who get set up are by someone that they trusted. So, in essence that’s a judgment call. In the end it’s truly everyman for himself and God for us all. We conversed a bit about woman; How to gain their loyalty and trust on down to choosing your wife. He shared with me the story how he met his wife. He said that he knew once he laid eyes on her that she was gonna be his wife. To me that’s powerful! Dude said he gave up his flock of hoes for her. Told her he didn’t need her to do nothing but raise his children. Thirty three years and seven kids later; they’re still together. She knew what type of man he was from the stories and rumor she heard in the street; but knew that he would become a completely different man with her love. The vicious man, with the hardened heart that the streets would depict him as; was the complete opposite with her. He did everything he told her he would do in protecting her and raising their kids’ family. She submitted, followed, and allowed him to lead as the king; having his back to the death. We spoke about some legitimate business endeavors; He shared my vision, even added to it. Before the day ended he gave me his personal info to contact him once I got to my permanent camp; and upon release. I never did ask what he was in for, or how much time he had; But I have a feeling it isn’t much………….
If it’s meant for us to meet again under different circumstances; what can I do to stop it? Til then, I will savor the conversation; and soak up the game. My journey continues…
-Banditti the don

The Awakening Experience J.E #7

Journal Entry #7 5-28-07

Habari, my children and loved ones; I am so extremely blessed to be alive and well. Regardless of my current location: (Dept of Corrections). The game I’ve accumulated these past past couple days- I wouldn’t change a thing. A times God may put you in a place; Well, let me quickly rephrase, because God doesn’t make the decision that place us anywhere; but allow us to be placed where He knows you will ultimately have a better chance to learn; and benefit from if you acknowledge and give Him the glory. For a street thug with ambition; prison can be used as a place where you can evolve into a don. You’ve got people her from all walks of life: The Dummies of the Dumb, and the Wisest of the Wise. Over the last past week; my neighbor white boy Richard Osbourne, have been developing a good vibe.
A relationship is truly rewarding when you can vibe with someone who posses your level of thinking. The range of your conversations are then unlimited! Had we met on the street- we’d be a helluva team; probably resulting to a large amount of wealth- And a ultimately a whole bunch of time to come with it.
Earlier today we spoke about kids, readymade families; to where he ended up getting me to open up about my relationship with my girlfriend. We discussed the up’s and down’s when raising another man’s child, which was enlightening. We even discussed my passion for having and raising my own children; so I came leave a legacy. This is one of the main reasons for these journal entries. In order for my future seeds to know the struggles, I endured while confined in this man made hell; And through the self inflicted pain, I am determined to do everything in my powers in order to overcome. I am an example, a living testament, that if you want to change, and truly sincere- You can! But it starts from within. I am honestly ashamed of the man I settled on being; and welcome the don I am evolving into…
-Banditti the don

The Awakening Experience J.E #6

Journal #6 5-25-07

Good Afternoon, it’s almost lunch time; So, I’m kind of late with this entry. Actually it’s about two days old. I was supposed to write after this conversation I had with a white guy I met. My bunk mate and I was talking bout the president or something: And I was saying how Govt. was the biggest organized Mafia in the world. The white guy, which also happens to sleep 3 ft away, started dropping some jewels on the subject. He kept my attention for the most part because; He was dead right about what he was saying. He spoke about the powers that be addressing them as the illuminati. That right there really caught my attention. As if that wasn’t’ enough, He asked me have I ever heard of this book called the “Unseen Hand”? I said yes: By the author Ralph Epperson? He Said, you heard of it huh? I then answered: “Not only have I heard of it, I own it: read it twice”. Instantly we started comparing theories & matching wits.
After testing one another for a while; we decided to talk business, politics; then He drifted off on some illegal shit- which inevitably; would turn into criminal plots, and schemes to execute a crime. He went on to tell about his experience in the federal pen; and how some older guy gave him some wise words that didn’t ring true til years later. Though, I can’t quote him at the present time, since I took so long to write this. It was basically on how people come in contact with one another and though you may not know it at the time; that individual may ultimately serve some kind of purpose if you analyze them. He was saying that you can benefit from people in some way or another. I totally agree with that; because in life you meet people from all walks of life that have different backgrounds. The key, is to figure out their strengths and weaknesses in time to see how you can benefit from the relationship; That can range from financially gain to social position. We went on talking for the rest of the night, til lock down. During that time I learned something very valuable. Besides the fact that prison is mostly use as a school for furthering your criminal career; this place can also be use as college- a sanctuary of higher learning. But since most people that enter become bitter, and remorseful, therefore utilizing their time to plot bigger schemes to execute crimes; in order to suffice for the time and money lost during their bid. While most of us here have dreams, and high expectations of some kind; not all of us will seek, them; let alone apply the hard work, sacrifice, and dedication to make them realities. Well, of course that depends upon the nature; since most will put forth more effort in negative, than positive. So, for a man who doesn’t plan on changing or feels as if the world owes him something; prison can make you worst off as a person than you enter as; only motivating you to seek knowledge in the activities needed to further your career as a criminal… Wow! Sad, but so true…
-Banditti the don

The Awakening Experience J.E #4

Journal #4 5-22-07

Once again the breaking process of an African American male continues in the 21st century. For the 2nd time in my life, my ancestors fresh of the slave ship and I are one. I don’t know what words to use to even describe the feeling; but I’ll try a few like degraded, humiliated, and stripped of my dignity, the list can go on & on. This process is ultimately designed to break the man down, humble him to the process where he has no more fight left in him; Strip him to the point where He’s out of touch with civilization make him feel less than the man that He left the free society as. To have a man get totally nake, and line them up side by side like cattle not only embarrasses Him; it’s lets him know that He’s no longer in control of the situation. How does one recover from such an experience? In my case- it’s rather complex because at times I tend to thrive off of pain, using it as fuel for my motivation. I have already seen vision of me as a successful black man; and I acknowledge the fact that it’s gonna take hard work; not only hard work, but sacrifice & craftiness. I cannot rest until I gain the success that was shown to me. This experience; as harsh as it may seem, is a good things- that’s if I survive. It’s a reminder of how quick & easy one bad decision can destroy your dreams… I while some cower at the sight of adversity- I simply smile; Because I am a testament of the bible verse, “All that will not kill me make me stronger”: So, I will continue to fight, not only for me but for my unborn seeds, for my deceased father: for my grandmother, for my mother that couldn’t break her crack addiction; Furthermore, for all those that cheer for me & believe. Failure is not an option…
-Banditti the don

The Awakening Experience J.E #3

Journal #3 5-21-07

Had a very intriguing conversation- well it really wasn’t a conversation, cause I did most the talking; anyhow, my roommate and I had a discussion about everything from Politics to Real Estate, on down to relationships. During the course of our discussion; He told me that never met anyone in prison who spoke so eloquently. We’ll in his words; it was more like- “Man, you speak like someone that graduated from college”. While I did thank him for such a comment, being that he’s a graduate of Famu, and BCC; also an ex real estate broker and high school teacher himself. He said that he never had a conversation with a young black man/ convict at that; who spoke with such conviction. Not to sound overzealous but I do here that often; However, the comment struck a nerve because although to so speak proper and the range of my conversations vary; I told him that, I’d much rather considered someone who spoke with intellect, rather than being a mere college student; and although that’s what he may have meant; I explained the difference from me and a mere college student graduate. Afterwards he saw my point. I explained that I’m no greater than a stereotypical felon or your Thug. Other than the fact than I educated myself on the subjects I wanted to learn. But with that knowledge comes greater responsibility to exec ate, which I have yet to do. That’s added pressure that I live with, along with the scrutiny that I get from the still ignorant xcons; who may seem as if they really got to know my struggle, and once they do – They ultimately become admirers (silently) of course.
We spoke a bit more on other things. I explained to him what I believed to be my downfall that led me back to prison my 2nd trip. You want to know what that is? #1 lack of patience- can’t deny that fact. But ultimately my whole business plans was built around my high school friends, who had their own agenda’s due to personal obligations. So, that force me to regroup, cause in order to be successful in the entertainment business, you must hang or surround yourself when people that’s making similar moves.
I wasn’t, because I’m a new face in this city- And the entertainment market in Jax is relatively limited or lackluster. So, I have to either move to a metropolitan city or get up under some influential people who I can benefit from.
-Banditti the Don

The Awakening Exp. J.E #2

Journal Entry 2

As always I thank God for the strength and the ability to endure suffering. It’s true that He will not put you through nothing you can’t bare. Though, your willingness to follow throu is totally up to you.
Sometimes, I wonder if I’m wrong for challenging God on even questioning him at times; While some my say, Yes!!! I simply say that my faith in him is so strong that I do it unconsciously. I believe in the creator with such conviction that I invite all that comes my way, until he says no more because my strength comes from Him. Of course, I’m not naïve enough to think I don’t play significant role in inflicting unwanted adversaries amongst myself; However, it’s only because I don’t mind making mistakes that I’m willing to pay for. This is totally selfish of me I know because in the process of hurting myself I’m also hurting those who love me. I truly appreciate those individuals that show me the same love I show them. If I had more people in my life that did me like I did them- I’d be eternally grateful. However, regardless of such I’m still grateful to God for allowing me to Love Period. I feel that love can never be in vain, if you love yourself just as much, if not more than the love you’re giving out. And you show yourself this by taking care of your temple health, spirit. You follow through on your personal goals and aspirations. Make the necessary sacrifices it takes in order to accomplish these goals. And once you see the results & how much your grown as a person, mother friend, husband, wife; along with the positive effect your individual growth may have in other peoples’ lives; There is no greater feeling. So, while I may seem like I’m suffering just know that it’s not done in vain; Not everyone makes it out the gutter let alone the belly of the beast… My struggle is Devine!!!

My Journy Begins- Inside Man Made hell pt2

Today was a blessed day; i woke up by the grace of God. Got a lil exercise, took a hot shower. I ended up gettin a lil more rest than i wanted but it allowed me the opportunity to dream; to meditate my goals into existence- God's Will. Yesterday, i came up with a couple concepts for UDS that i neglected to write down. It was more like a TV show or comic book idea, than a movie. It's like 1 giant computer that records everything, and moniters throu people's eye's. I forgot the plot & details because i didn't write it down- But as with all my dreams, if they're meant to be they will come back. Surprisingly though, i don't miss man's perception of freedom as much as i thought i would. I'm actually lookin forward to doin this bid. I honestly didn't feel so free in the free world. Had to work to hard just to maintain the false sense of freedom. I'm not into working so hard, physical; as i am with my mind I mean who wants to spend there lives as slaves confined to this world; working hard just to maintain? Nah, there's gotta be a better way! I believe that during this 2nd journey in this man made hell; i will find just that! A better way! So here i am in the Jacksonville “Duval” County Jail, convicted for the 2nd time. Strike 2!!! Graduated to my A letter. The things we put ourselves through? Yet again...  My journey begins!

Y I Commemorate the Late GREAT

Tupac's music, a other creative works; stimulated my conscious, in a way that only few rappers could. In such a way i can identify with his pains, simply becuz we shared the same struggles, and passions. i too watched my mother succumb to a crack addiction at an early age: causing me to move quite often to where although i held many talents, in sports, and music: it caused me to rebeled. I to was raised by the thugs, and drug dealers, taking early interest in the drug trade, not as an only option, but more so curiosity. So when I 1st heard Dear Momma: i felt as if he was speaking for me. Raised in the south (Miami) at the time, we didnt have a Wide range of music from up the north, and westcoast: i had to depend on his more commercial video hits: like Keep ur head up, Holla if u hear me. The compassion in which he rapped on Keep Ya Head: overwhelmed me: cause it was the same way i felt about the social ills, and present ghetto surroundings. Once i started writing in my early teens; i noticed that my lyric were more militant/ consciously direct, which was different for a rapper in the south. soon after i was exposed to 2pacalyspe, Strictly For My Niggas, and i can hear the rebellious, anger, and passion in every lyric. A voice so Potently Powerful! He rapped with so much ergency. With ni fear of reprimand. i started dj @ 13, so during that time period; His movie Juice, would initially spark my my musical interest. But low and behold- the character Bishop! Had me sold on his artistic side. I focused my scope & paid closer attention. Poetic Justice, court cases, and other drama, that fueled, the Me Against the World album; had us all bumpin Shed So Many Tears in the spring of 94. As he started the opening line with: I fear no man but God! To me it showed his strong believe belief. Then titled track, only displayed the intensity in his battle within. He spoke on the battles we all share at some point of our African American lives. Short time later, i would evenually: enter the criminal lifestyle-became a sinner... as he raps in Who do u Believe in... In summer of 96, the double Cd "All Eyes On Me" would drop, at a time where i was young with rising ghetto fame. Young black, and not a fear in the world! "Picture Me Rolling" For many of us, it was the soundtrack of our lives. We'd simply let the cd play and live it out! It spoke for me word for word: from, "Ambitions of a Rider", "Run the Streets" to Due to my to the countless struggles bought upon courteousy of the dope game; i ended up cacthing a case round the time "R U Still Down" dropped! Wonder if "Heaven Got A Ghetto", "Got Nothing To Lose". Alas, his untimely death. I can't begin to explain what type of impact it caused us fellow thugs, and devout fans. I will only say that will gave a 21 Gun salute: and had our own memorial and service by smoking, and drinking his signiture drank Hennessy, doing whatever the spirit led us to do. Our devestation only increased the anticipation for Machavelli album. On new music Tues: United in the name of Tupac! We congregated as a thug nation in the traps throught Jax. I listened intently to his every word, studied, and cross referenced with his earlier albums; when it hit me! Macavelli? the Art of War by Sun Tzu? Plan Plot Strategize? This man was borm to complete, his purpose in our existence. Like a saint that the have nots can relate to. Someone we can trust to help guide and carry us through. i ended up getting sentence to 7 yrs. as i compare it the seven day theory: how ironic? it was teen i read Make me wnna holla: and a Rebel without a Cause: the books reffered me to other literature read by the late great. And prior to my incarceration i had only heard of the Black Panthers: it was Pac who sparked my interest to read up on them. and other things... The more i read the same books, the more intumed to became awaking. So in short Thank u Tupac Amuri Shakur thank you being a testimony! a saint that we can trust, to help and carry us throu! Black Jesus! Therefore, i continue my vow, to represent ur name in style!

Hey, Mr Politick! I don't like you! Nor do i believe in you! Unlike the rest that give you Power by indulging! I worship God, and therefore fly above man's rules! So stay out my face in the name of politics. Cause you want get my vote!

This is just my thoughts on the game of politics; and how by man's laws; they force people to believe in it; and therefore feel as though they must live by it in order to advance in this man's world Ruled by Satan!

I am sick and tired of you phony people that smile in the faces of many just to talk behind their back- That will side with devil's just for the money. I am a Devil Hater!

To be continued...

Closer to my dreams

Society defines as prison! In search of a righteous, more conscious way of living: exercise my only freedom of expression! Cause from God it's freely giving, to thos that have eye's let them SEE: my spirit resurrect from this world i'm living! MY DEFINITION, OF PRISON... This is my creation: my thoughts, my words. I fight hard just to go back to sleep, just to be able to relive my dreams. In hope of one day, they are viewed on a world wide movie screen. right now, i must admit that im upset just to be awake, since i find serenity in my sleep- b 4 i pray the Lord, my Soul to take..." right now i world i'm chasing blurry thoughts, fading pictures fading in my mind! As i try to find the word to define: my dreams that are stuck in confines. im living in Hell without them- so i desperately pray begging for Heaven to come back...until im abke to interpret r even remember the vision long enuff to ------interpret, and record my faith--- blank. Just like that im awake...

Closer to my dreams

Daily fight with freedom jusy trying to break free: and if my drunking with speaks the truth blame it on the henessy: paining these ghetto queen daily routine no more solution! Im daily dancing with the devil ------------- And just like that i draw a blank! And that when i realize The ability to Dream is Gods greatest gift to me. For it allows me the pleasure's i often find only in my sleep. Vision that i see if only 1st a century: that why i appreciate it the more, and what it meant to me- HIS intent for me! I THANKS U ENTERNALLY FOR I ABILITY TO DREAM, NOW I ONLY LEAVE TO INTERPRET THE VISIONS I SEE IN MY SLEEP. MY DESTINY- TO SHARE WITH THE PUBLIC! journals like these only come during the rare time that GOD allows me the ability to recapture the few series of dreams he blessed me with the ability to invision perriodically throughout my life. DREAMS SO VIVID, that its hard to believe that i didn't live it. So i simply refuse to do so- and rather spend my life fighting to escape this prison socn

My Mind's Eye... Point of View

Mind's Eye

My Minds EYE: Life is like watchin the Wizard of Oz: The Scar Crow needed a Brain; Tin Man, Heart;The Lion- Courage,& Dorothy just wanted 2 go Home. In order 2 obtain what they were seeking they had 2 follow the yellow brick road 2 SEE the Wizard. Just 2 find that he was a Fictitious FAKE! HMM? Subsequently, thought their journey TOGETHER they all would unconsciously obtain what they were in search 4: In fact it was right n their face the whole time. SEE the Message

quality over quantity

Picture if u will a promoter with the ability to pack a club of 7,000 people with the intention to party with no purpose. Versus another who only draws 777 like minded individuals, peers, with an agenda, or over all purpose to party with passion. Now visualize the preacher, asking just 7 that he knows is capable to sow a seed of 7,000, within a congregation of the same amount: and totalling only $55,993. Rather than tell u the conclusion: i intend to let u make ur own. I never want to to be the person to fill a room of the wrong people. What am i saying? People r people right? Wrong? Unless they share the distictive semblance of quality, in my definition of spiritual conscious awareness, positivity, responsibility and general purpose: or r willing to learn, and do better cause u know better; Y even exist in my company? Just to take up space or draw heat? DEFINE UR QUALITY, SET UR STANDARD AND BELIEVE IN IT ENOUGH TO SUPPORT IT AND LET IT LIVE THROUGH ALL THAT U DO! Yes, strength is in the #'s only when

What will the preacher say P2

Continued: telepathy to the earth's epicenter: to where it's no choice but to be re created, or duplicated in the physical. So i write this! As an attept to enlighten the unconscious, to spark interest to the unaware, the un imaginative minds: who can't think beyond wht they SEE in their face. I don't what my riches to be physical, but rather spiritual so that they live on. So when the precher speaks of me, they are motivated to give such detailed, and accurate insight:

What will the preacher say

There are these sayings that we adapt from people: some as for as generations ahead. One inparticular is: WWJS an acronym for What would Jesus say? And this relevant to a person's decision making while he exist in this life as a physical being. Priding myself as one with vision, then further freedom to create, and define: My saying is simply- WWTPS? What would the preacher say? I often think of the legacy i will leave to this world, my omen, my rememberance. And if im blessed with kids to continue it: Will it they deem it worthy, and prestigious enuff to carry on. However, most important- will the precher provide such a true account as one that really knew me, along with my contributions to this world? Unless he or she has done a exstensive research? No! That said: being adamant on not neing simply another to exist, but co- exist with greater purpose, i found it more symbolical to effect peoples lives in such a pisitive force that they are willing to voice it , if only spiritual through energy, on to mentalh

God for us all

Everyman for himself, and God for us all... This statement seems to be the story of most our lives, as it is proven eachday: regardless of social status. Whether, it's contributed to the structure of this world: the way it's set up like a food chain, where everyone feeds off one another to survive/succeed; or simply just rest in the hearts of men? At one point we are all placed in situations where it's- them or me! And no matter how much u fore-warn ur fellow man- if u succeed as a result; you will be known as a cannibal, and traitor, a hater. Does loyalty really exsist? Or is it a myth? And if ur not loyal to urself, can u be with other? Just a few question, i contemplate: due to the fact of having been burnt so much for my loyalty to MAN. So, i now consentrate on me, myself, and God. Cause as u grow u realize that God is the only one, who is on the job without cease, every waking of the day. With that i deviate from trusting man to be anything other than.

MY POINT OF VIEW

My Minds EYE: Life is like watchin the Wizard of Oz: The Scar Crow needed a Brain; Tin Man, Heart;The Lion- Courage,& Dorothy just wanted 2 go Home. In order 2 obtain what they were seeking they had 2 follow the yellow brick road 2 SEE the Wizard. Just 2 find that he was a Fictitious FAKE! HMM? Subsequently, thought their journey TOGETHER they all would unconsciously obtain what they were in search 4: In fact it was right n their face the whole time.SEE the Message

Ask and You Shall Recieve!!!

When i was an adolescences; i remember my mother saying to me,"Never Question God"! Though to young to understand, for the most part i followed her order. But their were those rare moments; When I'd slip and ask-Why God? Once i developed a closer spiritual bond; the more questions i asked him. To see how many innocent lives were lost in the Earthquake in Haiti, and other countries abroad; One can't help but to ask WHY? No sooner than i ASK; i realize that the only thing promised in this world is Physical Death, & Spiritual Life. However, i also realized that most are afraid to know Gods answers to their questions. "Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever."